Im back

Hey everyone so yes im back to blogging. I don’t think I have written a blog in a year or so. I have so much to catch you all up on!

So last time I blogged I was drowning my sorrows of my pitiful life due to my Ex. Well I can tell you right now he is out of my life, eventually I broke away from his mind games and became my own person. Only to end up in another relationship with a lying, cheating good for nothing but this time I didn’t stick around to get hurt like I did with martin and this one was out the door! Girls if you ever get into a relationship that is not at all making you happy then GET OUT! Trust me when I say that because I can assure you no matter how much you try it wont make matters any better, im not saying if you have the odd argument break up but if theres no trust or you aren’t happy more than 95% of the time then its time to find the door.

I went onto a levels, I thought it would be a good progression of my education. I took Media, Business, Product design and Performing arts. At first I loved a levels but then came the exams. If your going to do a levels I advise to start your revision as you go along DO NOT CRAM I tried to cram a years work into 2 months I ended up with 2 D’s a C and a B which was decent however I didn’t feel I was going anywhere so I decided to go for a fresh start, new people, new work, new me, new life. I enrolled at uxbridge college to do a level 3 diploma in creative media production. Well I can tell you right not it was the best choice I ever made! I have got an amazing group of friends there and we are so close and the work we produce is of much higher standard!

I don’t know if you knew but ive been working in McDonalds since July 2012. I have not been promoted to crew trainer. I guess its good because I got more money now and im ready for my practical driving test so I need money for that. As for relationships ive help fire on that department im fed up of rushing into things too quick and ending up hurt so I like somebody and I think he might like me too but we have flanter (flirty banter) and so I do NOT want to rush in to anything any time soon because I don’t want to get hurt again. Ive been there done that got the medal.

I think that’s everything for not, I going to go to bed 🙂 I think im going to write a daily blog like a journal so you can follow long the crazy wacky life of a teenage girl from London.

 

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Blog #10

‘The day where the world comes together in harmony’

Its just hours until the olympics begins, everyones excited. This is the first day where our world comes together all with the same desire for their country, harmless competition. We forget about all the problems in our country and come together to support those representing our contry, this is their moment, the moment theyve been waiting for, after many sacrafices and much dedication they made it to the olympics all thats left to do now is put that training into going for gold.

To many, they dont realise the amount of stress and hard work goes into training, whereas me i do. Why you may ask? because i was supposed to be in the olympics 2012 competing for gold in swimming. I trained for a couple of years for it, i started training before the 2008 olympics thats how much training goes into it, swimming training ar half past 4 every morning before school and half past 9 every night, it was so much strain on me i was only young at the time but i kept at it because i knew it would be worth it and by the time 2012 came i would be 16 so older and could take this stress and i would understand a lot more plus it would have kept me very fit! However it wasnt so easy to keep at, i begun secondary school i wanted to go out with my new friends try new things i had more freedom and felt more grown up i didnt want my life to revolve around swimming anymore, i ‘couldnt be bothered’ and thats when my dreams changed. I stopped swimming and quit training. Now it is all over the news about the torch, the opening ceremony and i look at it with great regret, i wish i hadnt douted my dreams because all that hard work was now for nothing, i wish i had stuck with my dream because life throws at us many temptations but to make us stronger people we must learn to resist.

I was part of a gymnastic company called spelbound. Recognise the name? if so you are right, they competed and won britians got talent, it appears my dreams are destined to come true but i dont stick around long enough to achieve them. However in some aspects i did achieve my dreams of performing, i was part of a theatre and dance group called ‘Theatre train’ i performed at the winston churchil threatre, the london palladium and the royal albert hall in london they were the best memories of my life i had amazing times!

Therefore my message to you all; learn from my mistakes dont give up on your dreams because it will all be worth it in the end no matter how hard things get remember how good it will feel in the end.

GO TEAM GB! Good luck to everyone competing.

Blog #9

‘Fears make us stronger’

We all have faith in something, it may be a religion or a person but everyone has that hope, it is our lives purpose a specific belief which keeps us going from day to day. Fear comes though different forms whether that be physical or behaviour.

Think of this example;

It’s dark out, late at night, a storm is brewing and you’re home alone and sitting in your living room the only light from the tv lighting pictures. The house is quiet the only sound from the tv. You see it and hear it at the same time but your self consious is playing at the back of your head, nagging that something bad will happen. Suddenly the front door is thrown open against the door frame. Your breathing speeds up. Your heart races. Your muscles tighten. A split second later, you know it’s the wind. No one is trying to get into your home and you relax. For a split second, you were so afraid that you reacted as if your life were in danger, your body initiating the fight-or-flight response, a response of survival. This is critical to any animal’s survival. But really, you know there was no danger at all and you know you over reacted but the question is; What causes such an intense reaction?

What is the science behind fear?

Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and causes the brain to release chemicals which cause the heart to race , fast breathing and energized muscles, among other things. Everyone is different, the stimulus is different for everyone. Some people are scared of spiders whereas others keep them as pets and love them. Some fear clowns whereas some find them funny. Fear can be created by word, you may be camping in a woodland area, completely safe however your friend tells you people go into the woods and never return this then triggers fear in your brain and may make you consious of your surroundings.

What is faith?

A confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, and idea, or a thing.

In the split second of fear we forget our faith,that spark that keeps us going and we give in to fear, it is a natural instinct which we cannot control.

People have faith of another life after death, that our creator ‘God’ will judge us on judgement day and decide whether we go to Heaven or Hell. There many perceptions of God, this depends on our religion and faith. Others do not believe in the existance of God and believe our universe was created from gravity pulling rocks together forming planets and causing a ‘big bang’.

However not everything can be explained and we will just have to continue with our own individual beliefs and thoughts i mean we have free will and i believe we should all live in a equal and fair society, live out lives to the full because w only get one shot at it so my message to all of you, make the most of it, achieve your dreams, live every day like its your last, treat others as you’d like to be treated, and just have fun!

Blog #8

sometimes it’s that one split second when you wake up and realise reality which makes you question your life

I know i sound depressed but I suppose I am, I’m stuck in that little bubble when you realise your life and see a direction and it’s moments like these you can completely change everything about your life or just stay the same but it’s these snaps of reality who make us into stronger people.

My mum had a 50th birthday party this weekend and I had a fair bit to drink, you know what it’s like when it just helps you forget all your troubles and just allows you to enjoy yourself without life’s tricks and games. Everythings changed, I’ve changed it’s not me anymore I keep getting the feeling that im missing something, like a jigsaw with the final piece of the puzzle in the middle missing, I know I’ve got to work out what it is and find it to complete the picture but it seems mother nature has other ideas.
I’ve told Martin that’s it, I can’t stay his mate knowing he’ll never feel for me again the same as I do him, and yes I know my last blog Said forget and move on but it’s harder than it sounds, I don’t even know if I’m ready for a relationship. There’s this guy Charlie he likes me (can’t see why) he’s wants a relationship the thing is I’m scared, scared of falling in love again it hurts when you heart breaks, im not being selfish im talking about him to, I’m scared of hurting him, he’s the nicest, sweetest guy ever completely different to Martin but I’m not like him, he deserves better someone who will settle down with him and make him happy.
So this time I’m going to take people’s advice, why am I fussing about settling down? I’m only 16 so thats what I’m going to do, enjoy myself live life the way I want not being told what to do, the jigsaw can stay uncomplete for a while longer I suppose, yeah I think that’s a good idea, independence is a great thing haha!
Take care xxx

Blog #7

Quote; ‘never mind i’ll find someone like you’

Break ups, we all go through them but its not as easy to move on as people may say. Of course its normal to cry and be upset and most deffinatly overthink all little things in your head and dout the good memories. When you think back to all the good times, fun and memories you had makes you feel alone and reluctant for it back even if its not for the best.

Todays blog im going to give you some tips and help on how to get over a break up and what is normal after a break up. I have currently been going through the heartbreak as me and Martin broke up in march however i have bnot updated about it on this blog yet. I would not like to go into much detail about it but he cheated on me with his ex and i found out for myself.

Normal things to feel after the break up;

  • Empty in the pit of your stomach
  • Denial, you cant quite believe whats happened
  • Sometimes relief (not always)
  • revenge (depending on the circumstances)
  • Anger
  • Sadness
  • Like you could cry forever
  • Depressed, not interested in your usual activities and hobbies
  • Distracted and everything reminds you of your ex

All these are different thinks you may feel after your break up however everyone is different and it all depends on the circumstances and reasons why you broke up.

Steps to getting over your ex;

Never ever run back to them or call them all the time.  I know its hard to let go of the one you love but remember everything happens for a reason including this break up. Dont keep calling your ex, this iwill make you seem weak and clingy, this wont make them love you again.

Forgive and forget. Let things go of everything that happened, keep calm and take things slow. Do ot let your ex see you miserable and lost without them (expecially if your ex is a guy) this makes them feel a sense of power and may take advantage of you, this will give them an ego boost and give them great satisfaction.

Remember it’s okay to cry at night. For the first few weeks, it’s going to be a long and lonely journey. Things will be hard as the wounds are fresh, it will take a lot of getting used to as your so used to that person being around. It is better to cry it is a tempory phase you must go through to get past, eventually you will stop abd get sick of it however at this stage it is better to get it all out this will give you a clearer head, also listen to sad love songs which relate to you this is also a helpful way of getting over it.

Stay positive.  Just because he/she broke up with you or doesn’t want you back doesn’t mean that you’re “worthless”. There are plenty of other people who want you and would be willing to treat you even better than your ex. Dont waste your time on second chances when someone out there is still waiting for their first. Key points to remember are Smile and laugh and Surround yourself with friendsand people who care. This will make you feel a hundred times better and also this will make your ex realise you do not need them.

Hold your head high and move on. Don’t let one relationship drag you down even though it was the best one you ever had. There will be plenty more which may be even better, thre are going to be more good and others bad but this just brings us closer to our true soulmate.

Don’t try to ‘link/see eachother’ or have some sort of special relationships with your ex. This never ends up right when you just go back into that cycle. Yes, “that” cycle. Where you break up then make up then act all cute and happy but in the end, you’ll just be heartbroken and cry again and we are back to step one again. This will be continuous until you let go. Remember your relationship didnt work out for a reason.

Talk to a friend. When your ex plays around with your heart and head when he/she knows that you still want them, that’s when you definitely know that he/she is not for you. If you know this then you must let go or this may effect your future relationships. Don’t hold your feelings in, talk to a friend and cry. Let them comfort you and let yourself spill out your feelings thats what their their for.

socialize and keep to hobbies. This will take your mind off the break up and give you time to think and take a break which will help you forget about your ex.

Delete contact so you are not tempted to call him/her, also dont delete photos and messages but save them on a computer in a hidden away folder until you are able to face them again, delete them from your phone so you do not have a constant reminder of your ex.

REMEMBER; Whenever you miss him/her try to engage yourself or take a nap it refreshes your mind and reminds you of the pain you went through.

I hope this has come in helpful to those of you who are going through a breakup. Follow my blog and my twitter jemmalaurenxx tweet me if you ever need any advice

Blog #6

Quote; I may not know it But these are the moments that I’m gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going and i, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on

Douay martyrs 2007 – 2012

Its funny isnt it that the things you remember so clearly are the most random things? I remember my first day starting at Douay martyrs school it was sunny and i was outside Kerries house with Reece and our mums were taking pictures of us, we felt so grown up but looking back at the pictures we looked so young with our little baby faces! As the years went on we began to part from our primary school friends and join different friendship groups but i guess thats just part of growing up isnt it? The amount of friends i made and changed through the years!

The amount of hair colours i went through!

Me in year 7

Dark brown

Black

Natural colour (with dodgy extentions 😉 )

Light brown

 Ginger!

Purpple streak

Plum

To current date i am still blonde although i have roots and am getting it re done, this picture does not show it but my hair is a lot blonder however the lighting in the picture doesnt show it

Through the detentions, good news notes, referals and suspensions i began to change into a mature teenager by year 9 when we started our gcse options thats when it all had to change it was serious time to settle down and take my school work seriously phahah what a load of rubish! 😉 i was still a little sh*t LOL! but i did settle down a little bit.

  • drama
  • media
  • resistant materials

i picked ^ those three options for my gcse and loved them! Being in a mixed class with people from the other side of the year mixing the A,B,C,G and M,N,S,W form groups together we all became one big family supporting eachother through the hardest times, im not saying there wasnt conflict oh trust me there was always drama but when we moved from the arrowsmith campus to the cardinal hume campus at the end of year 10 when the current year 11s left where we was away from the years 7,8,9 and 10s only with the 6th formers who we did not ‘mingle’ with things begun to settle down.

Year 11 was the hardest, most memoriable year of all at Douay. People begun to fall out of the misbehaving habits and begun to settle down and concentrate on exams and coursework making sure to get it done. Every week we was told how many days we had left till we left school. I remember being told we had 108 days then all of a sudden we had 29 to go then next thing i knew i was on my last week of school! when i started year 9 they told us the following 2 years would fly by and wed be leaving before we knew it and oh my gosh they was not wrong there it was the quickest 2 years of my life i couldnt believe when it all came to an end.

18th may was the sadest day ever but deffo one to remember! The day i left Douay

I stayed at Kerries the night before we got alcohol and cigarettes ready for the day to come as everyone planned to go out once we left as we finished at half 12. We dressed up in our leavers hoodies, i wore her american flagged converse plaited hair and geek glasses i looked so cute! 😀

Class photos;

Resistant materials

Science

English

Philosophy and Ethics

Drama

The leavers assembley was so emotional everyone was crying but i couldnt haha! i swear i was the only girl who didnt cry! We was shown a video of our time at Douay pictures from year 7 people sung and it was so lovely.

Half past 12 we was dismissed and send off into the big wide world. All the year went to pole hill park where i used to walk my nans dog when i was younger. Alcohol time! 😀

Yes i did get a bit drunk but it was celebrating the end of compulsary education!

Douay martyrs year 11s 2007-2012. Going to miss all the memories and good times! Times gone so fast since our first days of year 7! Wishing everyone all the best and good luck for the future, hope you all achieve your dreams thank you for making the past 5 years ones to remember ♥♥

Blog #5

Quote; ‘why are trying so hard to fit in, when you’re born to stand out’

I havent written a blog in a while as i have been busy and had no idea what to write about but today i now have a new fresh idea in mind.

As this blog is personal to me i felt you should know me right to smallest detail! So this blog is on my piercings and the reasons behind getting them.

When i was 8 years old i got the first basic piercing which was my lobes. There wasnt really a reason behind getting these done as everyone that age had them and my mum used to see so many pretty earings so i got them.

18th febuary when i was 13th years old 4 months before my birthday my friend wanted to get her belly pierced for her birthday, that night i stayed at hers and we decided we would get them done in the following morning.  My dad wasnt very happy with the idea but my mum agreed with me getting it done. The next morning me and Coral were quite scared, this was our first propper piercing. We got ready then into the car we went. We arrived at accient arts on the uxbridge road, once in we signed all the forms, Corals god-father steve signed our permission slips and then i went in first i was shaking because i was so scared haha. The piercer marked out where the needle would go then i sat down ready. She put the clamp on which was a sharp pinch for a second, a few moments later she told me it was done,  confused i looked down to see a lovely pink belly bar through my belly i hadnt even felt it! Then it was Corals turn she got a dark blue bar. Although it did not hurt during the piercing or once it was healing mine kept ripping on my clothing so took about 6-9 months to fully heal up. I have had it done 2 years and i love it, its my favorite piercing and i have some lovely bars to go in it. I did not have this piercing for any particular reason just that i liked it and it looks pretty.

My next piercing which i got was my tragus which is the small part in your ear. I woke up one morning on June 29th and decided that day i wanted to get it pierced i hadnt though of getting it done before but then at that moment i decided i wanted it. My mum took me to get this, once again at accient arts. I went in and sat in the chair, on went the clamp which i didnt feel at all. Then when the needle was pushed through i felt a sharp pinch, then as the lady pushed the needle through i felt a large surge of pain for a second, i came out of the room pale as anything! this piercing i had the most problems with as it had been just under a year and it still swells from time to time, when i touch it its still tender but i can take it out and clean it and put it back in.

My final piercing to date is my tongue. I got this on Saturday 7th April 2012 very recent and is still healing at the moment. I went with my best friend Kerrie to get this done at underground tattoos in watford. I didnt get very much sleep the night before, i was scared but excited at the same time because i had always wanted it done for about 3 years! also the fact that Kerrie keopt saying “oh my God2 and “shut up dickhead” in her sleep LOL! the next morning we got the 331 to northwood station and Kerries dad took us there. After about a 15 minutes wait and forms signed in we went to the back room. I went first, after washing my mouth out with a solution he gave me and drying my tongue he had to draw out all the lines, using a torch to make sure he would not hit a vein. Once these were marked out he placed the clamp onto my tongue and i didnt even feel it holding onto Kerries hand she gripped onto her dads and in the needle went. It wasnt a agony pain it was just a sting which stayed for about 5 minutes. I was so facinated with it looking at it in the mirror when i turned round the needle was already through Kerries nose. Once her stud was put through we was done and could pay for them and go. Both our piercings cost us £15 as it was that price for all piercings till july 1st! We then went to mc donalds. I tryed to eat chips but everytime i tryed i kept biting the bar which made my belly roll. Then it was time to head home. I stared round kerries for a while longer as my parents did not know i had got this piercing as they had said no to it for the past 5 months! Back home i went however they didnt notice, my mum cooked me chicken and rice however it was so hard to eat i barely ate it so went and made some soup. The next day my tongue was so swollen i could hardly speak and my mum said to me why are you taking funny i said im not she said yes you are, stick your tongue out so i did and she went mad, so did my dad however they are getting used to it now, the swelling is going down and it is clean and healing well. you can see my daily vlog of the progress each day on youtube on my channel jemmalaurenxx http://www.youtube.com/user/JemmaLaurenxx?feature=mhee

 This was taken a day after so it was very swollen at the time

 Kerries nose piercing

I am considering another piercing maybe the top of my ear on the cartilage or maybe even my lip but i wont be rushing into the lip. I think i may just finsh up my ear with the second holes in my lobe and the top however i will not be rushing into tattoos at a young age as i may regret them, i will wait till later on in my life.

A Warning to those who are considering a piercing;

Piercings may look cool but they carry a very high risk of getting infected. If you are going to get one make sure it is done in a pofessional shop with sterilized equipment. A tongue piercing must be cleaned after everything you eat or drink except water with either sea salt in warm water or listerine (non alcoholic) mouthwash. So if you want a piercing make sure you take good care of it and make sure you keep it clean and dont change it for the entire time period you are told by your piercer as your body heals outside in so if you take the jewlery out then put it back in you will trap any infections inside.

Here are some images of my tongue as its healing. Remember the tongue is a muscle, you dont realise how much you need it for simple things like talking and eating until is becomes disfunctional and a metal bar is put through it! They may look pretty but everyone has to go through the horrors of healing first.

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