Blog #8

sometimes it’s that one split second when you wake up and realise reality which makes you question your life

I know i sound depressed but I suppose I am, I’m stuck in that little bubble when you realise your life and see a direction and it’s moments like these you can completely change everything about your life or just stay the same but it’s these snaps of reality who make us into stronger people.

My mum had a 50th birthday party this weekend and I had a fair bit to drink, you know what it’s like when it just helps you forget all your troubles and just allows you to enjoy yourself without life’s tricks and games. Everythings changed, I’ve changed it’s not me anymore I keep getting the feeling that im missing something, like a jigsaw with the final piece of the puzzle in the middle missing, I know I’ve got to work out what it is and find it to complete the picture but it seems mother nature has other ideas.
I’ve told Martin that’s it, I can’t stay his mate knowing he’ll never feel for me again the same as I do him, and yes I know my last blog Said forget and move on but it’s harder than it sounds, I don’t even know if I’m ready for a relationship. There’s this guy Charlie he likes me (can’t see why) he’s wants a relationship the thing is I’m scared, scared of falling in love again it hurts when you heart breaks, im not being selfish im talking about him to, I’m scared of hurting him, he’s the nicest, sweetest guy ever completely different to Martin but I’m not like him, he deserves better someone who will settle down with him and make him happy.
So this time I’m going to take people’s advice, why am I fussing about settling down? I’m only 16 so thats what I’m going to do, enjoy myself live life the way I want not being told what to do, the jigsaw can stay uncomplete for a while longer I suppose, yeah I think that’s a good idea, independence is a great thing haha!
Take care xxx