Blog #8

sometimes it’s that one split second when you wake up and realise reality which makes you question your life

I know i sound depressed but I suppose I am, I’m stuck in that little bubble when you realise your life and see a direction and it’s moments like these you can completely change everything about your life or just stay the same but it’s these snaps of reality who make us into stronger people.

My mum had a 50th birthday party this weekend and I had a fair bit to drink, you know what it’s like when it just helps you forget all your troubles and just allows you to enjoy yourself without life’s tricks and games. Everythings changed, I’ve changed it’s not me anymore I keep getting the feeling that im missing something, like a jigsaw with the final piece of the puzzle in the middle missing, I know I’ve got to work out what it is and find it to complete the picture but it seems mother nature has other ideas.
I’ve told Martin that’s it, I can’t stay his mate knowing he’ll never feel for me again the same as I do him, and yes I know my last blog Said forget and move on but it’s harder than it sounds, I don’t even know if I’m ready for a relationship. There’s this guy Charlie he likes me (can’t see why) he’s wants a relationship the thing is I’m scared, scared of falling in love again it hurts when you heart breaks, im not being selfish im talking about him to, I’m scared of hurting him, he’s the nicest, sweetest guy ever completely different to Martin but I’m not like him, he deserves better someone who will settle down with him and make him happy.
So this time I’m going to take people’s advice, why am I fussing about settling down? I’m only 16 so thats what I’m going to do, enjoy myself live life the way I want not being told what to do, the jigsaw can stay uncomplete for a while longer I suppose, yeah I think that’s a good idea, independence is a great thing haha!
Take care xxx

Blog #1

So here it is, my first blog, exciting stuff!

My quote of the day ‘your so used to someone being there with you, creating memories, sharing laughs, then one day their gone, everything changes, life moves on’

22nd of july 2011 the first night i met Martin Reed, my friend Simon King’s cousin. Me and vicky, my best friend at the time got in their car, his best friend Warren was driving his girlfriends silver ka and had offered to take us to ice skating in slough, Simon had to hide in the boot because there wasnt enough seats. We thought it was halarious. That night went very fast i didnt really speak to him as we both had other parteners but i could see something about him, a spark. Didnt see him again until 4th september 2011 we met again, once again at skating with Simon present however be begun to speak more, get to know eachother, we were both single. I had lost Vicky as a friend due to complications and i was feeling down. I got off the ice and sat in the corner. He followed me off and said ‘hey get back on this ice and skate with me, i hate seeing a beautiful girl upset.’ That made my day, i had the biggest smile on my face. No-one had called me beautiful to my face and meant it as much as he did before. We began to speak once we had got home. He drove me home, then on the 6th of september he picked me up from school and took me to his house we realised we had a lot in common, i met his beautiful puppy Bruno american staffodshire bull terrior. As of that day me and him were un-seperable, that was the day our relationship began. 06/09/11. On the 9th, the friday he took me for a meal then cinema and bought me a beautiful boquet of flowers, he seemed perfect my prince charming. Our relationship continued, we did have some arguments but thats normal for a couple, i gained a close relationship with his sister. We go and visit her regularly. We spent new years in her town of harlow, essex with all his family it was brilliant. For valentines he was so romantic he wrote a lovely paragraph in my card, got me a me to you bear and a heart shaped dougnut, then got us some doritos and a dip and demanded we got into bed cuddled up and watched a film (what a cutie) but dont be fooled girls reading this love can draw you in and make you so happy but upset you and rip you apart when it want to. to current day me and martin have been together 6 months. However for the past 3 weeks i have not seen him, the pervious 2 weeks we have not spoken as i have spoken to a friend of his and i was told he has no phones, he cannot contact me at the moment as he has got into a bit of trouble. I miss him so much, its so strange him not being around, stealing the quilt off me in bed at night or him and my mum joking with eachother. i feel as though a part of me is missing.  Which brings me back to my quote of the day, you love someone for a while but then life changes, people change and times move on, its hard to accept at first but you have to do whatever is right for you.

Dont give up on love and other people but follow your heart, your head is logical but the heart is sensitive.

much love Jemma xx